Lucas Savela's Tied Tongue Tumbles On

If you had all of science at your disposal, what would you do? Cure cancer? Travel to outer space? Alter your DNA to produce the ultimate athlete?

Nah, there’s a time and place for all of that. I’d use science to prove that Ke$ha’s “Your Love is My Drug” is the greatest pop song of al time. Not subjectively, but factually. I’m working on some formulas and crunching numbers as we speak.

I know you’re not religious, but if Hell existed, what would it be like?

I have thought about this every Saturday for the past month. My eternal damnation would be a never-ending  Facebook conversation about college football. Any time I’d say “Go Green,” one would reply with either “Go Blue” or “fag.” I don’t know, it just gets tiresome to go through the same thing every weekend. I’m sure in Hell, it never ends.

Also, we get it. He doesn’t tie his shoes.

If you had a time machine, what would you do with it?

This is the easiest question I have ever had to answer. I’d go back to the mid 80s and play The $25,000 Pyramid with Nathan Cook.